An old woman sits under a tree, eyes closed. Her long silver hair catches the moonlight and holds it like a cool fire. She looks asleep, but her mind is alive and awake.
She murmurs under her breath. To anyone listening, to the chipmunk and the deer, it sounds like gibberish. But her spirit is calling forth dreams and visions. Her eyes flicker under her eyelids. Her blood makes a humming sound in her veins.
As though it can hear her, the sky responds. Not an ending, not in brimstone and fire, but a beginning, in shimmer and in stardust.
Lightning flashes, and a nearby tree blazes. The old woman comes out of her trance, and the flames reflect in her eyes. She stares hard into the tree and then removes her outer robe.
As the flames die down into smoldering coals, the tree opens up, and a younger woman walks out, all muscle and bone and shining. She wears a blanket made of night, but it will soon fade. She needs the clothing of this world, and the old woman wraps the robe around her.
They look at each other. The old woman reaches out her hand, and the younger woman takes it. “Lady,” the woman says, and points to herself, and then, to the girl.
The girl nods and looks up at the sky. The woman looks too. And the moon smiles back at them.
One day I sat praying about horrible, horrible things. And I got really, really mad.
Mostly about people hurting kids. But other things too.
I sat on the floor, and I told God, “Ok. So, now I’m really mad. Here’s what I’ll do. I’ll get a machine gun and go to Thailand and get some kids out of some brothels. I will fight human slavery. I will do it. Don’t think I won’t. My kids can live with Grandma. Just say the word, God, and I’ll get a machine gun, and I will go.”
And I heard this: “Start a blog.”
And I said, “God. I don’t think you heard me. I said I would get a machine gun and go save some kids! Don’t you want me to get a gun and go save some kids!?!”
And I heard, “Um, yeah. Go start a blog.”
I was like, seriously? I said I would go! Doesn’t the Bible say “who will go??” I’m telling you, I WILL GO.
Machine guns? Blog? Seriously, Lord?
“Yes. Start a blog.”
I have only touched a gun twice in my life. I have no idea how to shoot a gun. And, if memory serves, guns are heavy.
My kids are young. And I was sick for a long time. I’m just now getting back to normal.
God knows what we can do. He knows what is ridiculous for us. He will show us our paths, especially when we pray hard and get serious like I was that day. And I was serious. I was just out of my mind with grief.
I will probably never be a machine gun preacher. But, I do have a degree in English. I can blog from my bed on my laptop. I can write while I help my kids with their homework on the couch. It’s realistic for me. It fits into what I already know and what I already do.
Blogging makes sense for the life that I have. It is something I can do right now, wherever I am. I still don’t exactly see how I’m fighting human trafficking from this blog, but I trust Him to show me at the right time.
The Fearless part came later. I’ll tell you that one another day.
Thanks for being here. I saw you in a dream.
We are fighting together.
What is the issue that makes you weep? What is the issue that makes you want to scream? What can you do about it with the skills and the life that you already have? What could God send you from Heaven right now that would help you get started?